She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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