i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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