how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
