dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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