I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
