that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
