And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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