So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
