They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
