mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
