She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize