I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
