so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Randomize
