I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
