well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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