How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
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