"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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