so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
