My first STD was from a foam party
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
