I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
