I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
