"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
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