Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
