I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
