Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
