Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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