if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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