ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Randomize
