This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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