If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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