I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
