i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
