I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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