How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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