I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
