We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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