garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
