their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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