yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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