Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
