I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I have so many feelings about this burrito
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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