You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Randomize