The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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