the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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