My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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