I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
