think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
too bad you live with your parents still
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
My vagina is very pro this idea
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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