The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
