She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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