Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
He kissed a someone with a penis
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize