Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
