she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Randomize
