she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
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