using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
