Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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