when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
