good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
