My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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