I just saw a hot homeless man
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
