it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize