I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
